Self-Care and Community

 When I had our twins I felt like someone dropped me in the middle of the ocean. With cement shoes.

Not only was I a young mom, but a young mom of multiples who had no clue what I was doing. And the worst part of it, I felt like no one else in the whole world could relate to me. No one else knew what it was like trying to feed two screaming newborns at once. No one else knew the absolute exhaustion you feel. Your hormones fluctuating in your veins, your eye lids so heavy that you would give anything for just five minutes of rest. And of course that new mom feeling where you think every cry means you screwed something up.

Now I wasn't completely naive. Deep down I knew I wasn't the first 23 year old to have twins. But at the time not only did I feel like it, but I was the first one in my family and friend circle that did have two babes.

Speaking of circles. Mine was really small at the time. Most my friends at the time were just graduating college, getting into the workforce, doing anything else then bearing two children at a time. 

I was able to stay home with them for the first 5 years of their lives. It was wonderful and opportunity I know most mothers are not given. I am forever grateful for those years. But...looking back, I was still in the middle of the ocean. Not really sure I was doing the right things for these two little, now walking talking humans. Sure we went to some mommy and me classes. Met a couple friends in pre-school. Connected with others with kiddos the same age. But I personally was still on the verge of drowning. 

Why?

I was not taking proper care of myself. Hell, besides daily hygiene, I don't know if I was really "taking care of myself" at all. I didn't know what to do. That it could be so simple. Or have a support system of like-minded women to back me up and validate these feelings.

When the kiddos started kindergarten, I started back to work full time. To say we were busy would be an understatement. They were exploring their likes and dislikes through different sports and activities (aka being in two places at once). I was adjusting to being away from home for 8 hours then coming home to only to put on my housewife/mommy uniform. And oh by the way, hubby worked nights during this time. So we were like two passing ships in the night, passing the torch and really only seeing each other on weekends. 

And to interject here for a sec, my husband is a damn rockstar. He has done everything and more for this family. But since this is a reflection of my feelings and experiences, I'm not really adding him in to this particular story.

Fast forward to their middle school years. 

They are way more self-sufficient (thank god)! And I have a better grasp on this self-care thing. I have a bigger circle of friends whom I can vent to and rely on. Picked up a couple hobbies of my own and intentionally did little things for myself (like reading a book front to back or exploring said hobbies that brought me joy). 

The shoreline was insight!

Fast forward to a global pandemic. Fuck.

If you never felt any type of isolation before, I guarantee you did now. 

Like most, I was forced to do some soul searching. To find the value in the everyday things around me. And learn to how truly appreciate everything you have.

And with that, SGMN was born. 

I wanted to give women like me a space to find themselves. Give them foundational pieces to build them up to their highest selves. Apply everything I learned and experienced into relatable lessons where they could feel safe and recognize their worth. 

and now...

I am finally on the beach! Digging my toes deep in the sand, saving a spot for every other badass suburban goddess to hang out and bask in the sun.

Here's a little secret to self-care...a huge piece of it involves community. You're never alone. There are others out there just like you who feel like they're drowning too. It's important to find these others and build a connection. They will be your lifesavers in more ways than one. They will shape you in ways you couldn't do alone. They will make you realize aspects of yourself you wouldn't have seen by yourself. 

And because of all of this, you will know how to be better and how to maintain that better version of yourself.

See ya on shore!

-carissa